05 August 2007
joke
07/08/07 23:08 Filed in: Dog Humour
A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote
mountainous pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards
him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni
suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell
you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.
Houston....the Stork Has Landed!
07/08/07 00:19 Filed in: Dogs
I had Rottweilers for years. In my opinion, they are
the best dogs ever!! Loyal, faithful companions. My
last one passed away about 6 years ago now,
and I still miss her very much. Sometimes I find
myself calling her name when I call my other dogs in
from the yard (none of which are Rotties). After she
died, I couldn't bring myself to get another, mainly
because I didn't really like what I was seeing in the
breed. Time passed, and I ended up with some very
sweet little terrier-type dogs who are fun but loud!
Bark bark bark! I think they believe their names are
"SHUT" and "UP"! But I digress...
I'd been thinking about starting the search for another Rottie recently, since getting a pup does require forethought and research to find a good breeder, make contact, and then wait for a litter to be born with the right bloodlines that I like. I was figuring it may take a year or so. But what you put out to the universe often gets answered quickly! Lo and behold, a breeder friend of mine let me know about a litter that was about to be born, and it fit the bill perfectly! Not only that, but I also got to choose "pick bitch" (which means the nicest female pup in the litter). And so.....in the wee hours of the morning of August 7, 2007, little Kyoto made her way into the world, and apparently in a very unfeminine but typical Rottweiler fashion, clawed her way to one of mommy's teats and has been stuck to it ever since! That's my girl!! She was the first born too. In 7 weeks, there will be the little pitter patter of puppy feet around here! Wait...who am I kidding? There won't be any delicate pitter-pattering, there will be a sound akin to a herd of bulls running through the house! Sigh! Time to start puppy-proofing! And get used to the idea of being covered in bruises from a burly, black, clumsy, uncoordinated creature who's main joy in life is to try and make me go ass over tea-kettle! It will be so much fun raising a puppy again, and I say that tongue-in-cheek. Puppies can be real pains for the first 18 months, and they are a lot of hard work, but the reward of having a companion and protector for the next decade or so far outweighs the trouble!
I'd been thinking about starting the search for another Rottie recently, since getting a pup does require forethought and research to find a good breeder, make contact, and then wait for a litter to be born with the right bloodlines that I like. I was figuring it may take a year or so. But what you put out to the universe often gets answered quickly! Lo and behold, a breeder friend of mine let me know about a litter that was about to be born, and it fit the bill perfectly! Not only that, but I also got to choose "pick bitch" (which means the nicest female pup in the litter). And so.....in the wee hours of the morning of August 7, 2007, little Kyoto made her way into the world, and apparently in a very unfeminine but typical Rottweiler fashion, clawed her way to one of mommy's teats and has been stuck to it ever since! That's my girl!! She was the first born too. In 7 weeks, there will be the little pitter patter of puppy feet around here! Wait...who am I kidding? There won't be any delicate pitter-pattering, there will be a sound akin to a herd of bulls running through the house! Sigh! Time to start puppy-proofing! And get used to the idea of being covered in bruises from a burly, black, clumsy, uncoordinated creature who's main joy in life is to try and make me go ass over tea-kettle! It will be so much fun raising a puppy again, and I say that tongue-in-cheek. Puppies can be real pains for the first 18 months, and they are a lot of hard work, but the reward of having a companion and protector for the next decade or so far outweighs the trouble!