Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around 
barefoot in the dark.

Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.

Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain in the dark saying, "Be a 
good puppy, go potty now - hurry up - come on, let's go!" 

Cover all your best clothes with dog hair. Dark clothes must use white hair; 
light clothes must use dark.

Float some hair in your first cup of coffee in the morning.

Also put some hair in everything that you cook!!! And in the pots and pans 
in your cupboards!!

Run out in the snow/rain in your bare feet to close the gate.

Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor.

Leave your underwear on the living room floor because that's where the puppy 
will drag it anyway.....especially when company is coming.

Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and 
run to the door shouting "No, No! Do THAT OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the 
program :))

Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning; don't try to clean it up 
until you get home from work in the evening.

Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a 
screwdriver....it's going to get chewed on anyway.

Have a backhoe come in and dig random giant holes in your yard. Then go out 
in the early am and step in a few. Try not to break anything.

Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it 
around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your puppy falls asleep on 
your lap.


Carol Mardeusz gave me Peter Romanowsky, her and her daughter's dog Caji because her daughter was planning to go to college and they lived in a San Francisco Russian Hill apt, where people kept calling the authorities because of Caji's barking. So Carol my best friend gave her to me five years ago because she knew I lived on a ship anchored in Richardson Bay where no one would complain about her barking http://www.greatfuldog.com/

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture   when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The   driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy.  "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.